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Wow i don't blog for months and 2 posts in one day.

i know i bang on about this weight loss malarky but today i had saw a blast from the past. well someone i would have liked to be a blast from the past.

he's not all that nice looking, but my god it kinda got to me and i realised (ERRR i already knew this) he doesn't like me he's never liked me and why the hell do i get so bloody hung up when i see him. admittidly its rare i see him. BUT i also felt embarassed that i am still so big. it'd be so nice to be thin (about a size 14) and see him and he give me a second look for a change. i mean even at a 14 he's think i was fat but its a hell of a lot thinner than i am now and i was at my biggest.

I wonder if i would have a better opinion of men if i wasa thinner. because at the moment i have very bad opinions of them. yes i may have tarred them with the same brush and sorry men if anyone reads this. but i'm finding very little evidnce to help me change my mind.

i had some really horrible things said to me and about me on saturday night at stupid o'clock in the morning anf i could have cheerfully punched the person who said them. i don't know who he was but good job i was trapped where i was. i have never had a fight and i don't think i have ever punched anyone but i would have done to this lad.

other exampls is listening to lads i know at work and who i used to go to school with that i still see occasionally and from observing them when i'm out. i want to be happy and meet someone but at the moment i still don't feel i can let my gaurd down.

i'm going out on saturday night i've decided. people are having their hair cut and hel hasn't been out for 5 months. i don't care if i drink too much as long as i don't gain this week i will be ok x

i have a feeling that a few black sambuccas will be consumed and i know after last sat i said i didn't want to go to Tokes but i think that i'd rather go there than Envy!!!

we shall see :0)