Track On Back

well i lost, i lost, i lost!!!!!

So not as much as i'd have liked, but it was a loss and i also lost all i'd gained!!!

i really do think the week befores Mega 3lb lost was a false lost and then with TOTM, its back on track. but disappoited i didn't get my 1st stone today as today was target day, but at least i lost. i really can't be dishearted at all!!!

Am also over the crying phase think that must have been hormonal crying and eating.

there has also been change at work. me and my mum has swapped teams. i think thats cos u can't have family members on the same team. But in a way i don't wanna be on a team with my mum.

hopefully i'll get some real work tomorrow was just trying to mop up my old stuff that is so old dinosaurs walk across my screen when i load the accounts!!! so roll on the ended pots!!!!


i'm looking forward to another good week this week. just need to curb my snacking!!!!

menus planned for the week so far

Tuesday - RED

Breakfast- Yogurt

snack - fruit

Dinner - tuna salad and brown bread

snack - special K minis and fruit

Tea- Grill up: ElF Sausages, bacon, egg, beans

Wednesday - Green

Breakfast - 2 x Alpen light bars and fruit

Snack - yogurt

Dinner - LF Supernoodles

Snack - Fruit

Tea - Quorn Chassure and rice

and can no longer remeber thursday but think it may be another green day! :)

mrs & mrs

well had a pants WI this week had a gain 1.5lbs was gutted i expected a STS or ½lb gain as TOTM but not that much!!!

BUT

on a more possitive note at class it was Mr and Mrs week but as we have no men in the group and this is an era of equal ops the leader decided we'd have a Mrs and Mrs night! bonkers i know, so we had to pair up strangers with strangers and me with my mum, friends with friends etc and we went round and all said why we'd joined SW and what we wanted and how much we lost then we all had to vote who was the best Mrs and Mrs!!! Me and Mama WON!!! woweeeeee was shocked cos i'd had the gain but made me feel a little bit better

we got a bunch of flowers each and a mini bottle of wine each. i thought that was so lovely cos normally with slimming groups in my experience anyway diets and shoved down your throats but our leader (still hate the word consultant!) realises we all have real lives and a little of what you fancy will not kill you, so the flowers are on the side and the wine in the fridge.

i've been meaning to blog all week but with the gain i haven't been able to bring myself to type.

silly i know as this is here for my journy not just my losses, its my life and i need to keep on with it.

Still feeling a little bit sorry for myself and making myself miserable with looking at facebook, people seem to be daily posting wedding pics, engagement announcements, hen do, stag do, baby pictures and none of this is me not now or will it ever be and it makes me feel so sad. I don't even think i want it to be me. was looking at some pics of the corry wedding for next week and nearly cried and thats not even real. by july i'm gonna be a wreck and once again i'm making it about me, i don't want to not go to the wedding but i'm not sure that i will make it through the day. I knoe its a long time till then but at the same time its creeping ever closer.

i'm sat here watching slidding doors and its not even in the sad bits yet and i'm ready for crying.

also i was watching that hudson river crash thing on channel 4 tonight and it had such a strange effect on me, even though i know it all turned out well in the end i was crying and shaking and kept subconciously doing the sign of the cross, i kept having to stop myself.

i'm an odd bod, i do know one thing i do want is a hug!

When a hero come along

ok so another random title, its the 1st thing that came into my head.

sorry for being such a misery guts the past few days, its just valentines day really gets to me!!!

it is also potentially TOTM, well i think it is i have the beginnings of it i think!!! but i never know when its coming or gonna come, It likes to sneak up on me when i'm least expecting it or when i least need it!!!!

so tonight i am still going out, but i'm going to my mates house for wine and nibbles and anti valentinesday type things which will prob be a dvd!!! my friend said one of our couples up friends was meant to be coming as well, but her OH is pulling his face, its there 1st v day and he can be very soppy so i don't blame him plus if u have someone don't rub it in our faces!!!!

haha

well yesterday we went shopping in Bolton and i got a t-shirt from Zara!!! wooo ok so its an XL one and i could do with being a bit thinner to were it but i can get it on and i love it!!! but what makes me laugh is that its got a drawing of a girl listening to music with all love hearts arround her. you'd think in my present state of mind love hearts would be the last thing i'd want to be wearing!!! but i love it love it love it!!!

i've cropped it as i haven't washed my hair today, as you can see i'm bulging out of the sides but for now i don't care!!! hehe

what you can't see if that is that its quite long and goes down at one side !!! will take a better picture once it fits me!!!!

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

well been a bit of an odd week for me really. can't quite put my finger on what it is. but think its juts things changing the fast aproaching st v's day.



i went to the cinema last night to see a curious incidence of benjamin button. and it brough it home to me just how single i am. i went with mt friend her OH, her sister and her sister OH. so 5 of us. not to akward as we all get on. get to the cinema girls que up boys go to buy drinks, steph has no boy = no drink. friend said nip out of the q and get one of the lads to get her a drink but. 2 boys = 4 hands 2 couples = 4 drinks how would they hold my drink. i said its fine, as i wasn't really that bothered any way, well i wasn't until i thought about it.



so we get tickets i que for a drink 2 sert of couples in front of me taking the piss taking up time being indecisive so i decide not to get a drink. its a long film but i reason i'll get an asile seat and bob out for one, no biggie neeeded a wee and the pre-views where still on.



we walk into the screen and its not that busy but lots of couples!!!! with gaps of a few seats between them. so we go to sit of the side of the cinema, but only 4 seats in the rows so A do i sit on my own what do i do!!! ok so once again i make it about me! but i don't wanna sit on my own and i don't wanna split the couples up. so friends sis and sis's oh sits in the side seats an my friends says sit on the other side of the stairs. i go to sit in the end seat but she makes me shive up 3 seats so she and her OH can sit with me, which was sweet, but i know her sis will prob pull her face but what the hell was she to do. A she leaves her friend who is there on her "own" or sit with her sis who has her OH with her. well i'm quite glad to say she picked me. but it made me think if i had some one then she could have sat with her sis me withy who ever and there wouldb't be any conflict of interest it just brought it home to me.



Then the fim. I really enjoyed it.



it was sweet, funny, sad, long, i cried on and off from the opening credits to the closing credits. Now admitidly its not everyones cup of tea. But i liked it.



But once again it did make me feel sorry for myself. i wanna talk about the film but its not fair just yet if people haven't seen the film yet.



in part of i Brad Pitt was looking the hottest i've seen him for a while. once you watch it u will see what i mean, and for those who likes the ladies the beautiful Cate Blanchet.



there has also been an odd atmosphere at work again today, but there has been really since before they announced the job losses and then today with the price cuts and new holiday booking system. i just hope things get back to normal, what ever normal is and i hope that JSM finds me something better to do that sodding 006Rs!!!! (sorry u prob have no idea what i'm on about but its just the tyoe of worki've been doing hard to explain! and v boring!!!!)



diet wise was going really well till i got home and had 2 cornbeef butties. i need to get my papa to stop buying it because i can't leave it alone even though its not the nicest thing in the world!!!!



i don't seem to know what to do with myself at the moment. i feel like one big cliche and i feel like giving up, but SW has been so easy so far and i want to wear a pretty dress to my friends weddign and have nice clothes for my holiday.



i what i also think i want is to stop making everything about me, but don't know how to stop it!!!!!!





ok on to more possitive things i want to get my 5% this mondays WI. i only need 1lb!!! i feel so close but so far!!!! someone hide the cornbeef.



my friends are out this weekend and i'm torn about going out. also need to check bank balance as don't gegt paid till a week on tuesday!!! roll on 24th!!! hehe

The List

in this monthe SW magazine Margaret (the founder of SW) has wrote an article now i've only skim read it but basically it asks us to make a list of reasons for and against losing weight. now it says to do it privatly but i think i need to use my blog for this cos when i hide behind i tend to pretend its not real and doesn't matter so

I'm just gonna go and re- read the article then make my list!!!

Pro

Be healthy

gain confidence

find love

Cons

that i will still be un-attactive

that i won't get confident

that i will be still be judged on what i look like in a negative way

That i'll always be sigle

God this is hard i'll have to have a deeper think!!! xxxx

I need to get over the it's only tuesday rut....

......because before i know it i'm stood on those scales again feeling like poop!!!


ok so i've lost every WI so far, but i won't keep doing if i carry on like that!!!


saying that i'm not eatinf anywhere near as much as i was doing before xmas but i'm getting lazy with myself and letting myself eat bread bread and more bread!!!!


at the start i was so go no more than 2 slices of warbies small wholemeal, but as the weeks have gone by and it is only 6 weeks i'm almost back to what i was on before, small changes its defo always brown wholewheat or granry and where near as much spread but its gonna come back and bite me on the butt!!!


i'm 1lbs away from my 5% or 14lbs and i really want that next week, even though on my time scales of targets i've given myself till the week after but after how well i've been doing i'd really hate to sabotage myself for the sake of 1lb!!!


my plan for the week is to cut down on the klics brews, its been so cold at work inside and out that i keep getting them to hold!!! the joy of free vend should have worn off by now, part of me wants the clean utility programme to make us start paying for brews again so then i know i'd defo cut back. i take fruit tea but that water machine is so slow at hot water and tastes a bit iffy. if only we could be trusted with a kettle!!!! even one of those 1 min boilers!!! i mean we all mange to use a kettle at home what makes work so very differnt!!!


Just wanted to say thanks to those who commented yesterday!!! i know its over rated and if i was with someone i'd be lucky to get a card let alone hearts and flowers. BUT it still makes me miserable!!!


i'm off out clubbing in saturday with 2 singles friends.hopefully the couples will decide to stay in and not parade their love under our noses!!!!!!


Also a big thank you for all the messages about my loss!!!


I am very chuffed with it. i'm not sure i've ever done a diet where i have actually lost at every WI i've been to!!! ok so its only 5 but by down i've already had a wobble!!! (one or 2 more than i normally do!!) But so far so good, but i need to knuckle down and not get complacent!!!


At class on monday Helen (the consultant) brought in the milk allowance for one HxA and the amount of cheese you can have for the second HxA my God, i though the milk was quite a lot 350mls of Skimmed, but i guess for those who have milk on cereal and in brews would struggle!!! my down fall is Cheese (SINGS TO HERSELF Cheese cheese glorious cheese!!!) i bought a bag of six mini babybel light cheese and u can have 2 or 3 HxAs well within 12 hours we had none!!!! ops. ok i though i'll try again my dad got me a bag of 12 of them. well i think they lasted 24 maybe 48 hours maximum!!! i can not control it. i'm better off going without. now i know they say a little of what you fancy does you good, but i my case it leads to excessive binging!!! i mean mini baby bel isn't really food is it, its so small and 2 bites and its gone!!!! but the peeling of the red wax is so exciting!!!! can get be patient enought to unwrap it all or will i rip it in half, stuff it in my god before frantically prizing the other half out!!! how bad is that. always stood with my head in the fridge when i do it!!! and the daftest part is when we don't have cheese in i really don't miss it!!!


i'm sure i had apoint somewhere in all that rambling so if u find it can you let me have it back?!!

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexxx

WI 5

well another good week!!! i lost 3lbs which is a grand total of 13lbs. which i am well impressed with!!!!

Well ST.V's days is almost upon us.

and for a change i'm feeling thoughly depressed!!!

my 27th valentines day, still single and no doubt will not change any time soon!!!!

i posted a question on 5+ hoping that everyone would say its all a big commercial over rated event and they wern't gonnsa bother. well i set myself up for a fall, cos most of em are doing some really sweet things. i'm not jealous or wish they weren't just thought it might make me feel a little better sadlt ot had the opposite effect!!!

i do think its over commercialised and i would feel a bit put out beiong told that this is the day to show ur love, but at the same time, its so nice to have a day that u can openly be soppy, send flowers eat chocs and not think there is an ulterier motive

what i am glad of is that its on a saturday, so i won't have to put up with seeing Bouquet of flowers being delivered to work. that would send me over the edge!!!

a few years ago i worked with 2 sister and one got a deliver of a dozen red roses off her OH in the morning and it sat between our desks, she was next to me and her sister opposite me and all morning her sister was acting happybut u know when u can tell!!! well about dinner time the sister without flowers got a call to see a customer in reception

she came back with a Bouquet of 2 dozen red roses with all babys breath mixed in, the worlds biggest teddy bear holding a box of chocs and a balloon!!!

well sister one with the AM flowers looked a bit put out, but as this is my blog back to me!!! me sat there between 3 dozen roses all the hearts n flowers i could just about take with not so much as a card off anyone!!!

all i wanted to do was cry all day, but sadly i had to cry on on thephones

luckily in the past few years i've not been sat too close to soppy sods but u do see all the flowers et al when u walk round the building

So in know its a bit sad and pathetic and self centered but i'm so sick of the single life, but not sure i could cope with a relationship, i'm so used to being single i prob couldn't do it!!!

new hair cut and a sore finger

i've banged my finger, as i was coming out of the bathroom i lifted my hand before i as out of the room and smacked it on the door frame!!! it was with such force and it hurts so much, its bright red and a little bit swollen, it hurts so much it made me cry!!!!

ok back to the main reason for this post is that i've had my hair cut. about half and inch off my length and a side fringe cut, i do quite like it

This is the pic i found that i really liked, but i forgot to take it with me. think she's done quite a good job, i'd have liked the fringe a bit thicker but can get that done next time if i'm keeping it!!!!

BMI ~ Bl00dy Moronic Idea?????

Who was it that came up with the BMI index? eh who was it hold your hand up.

Because not only is it a very lose guide and doesn't take into account Age Build muscle composition race gender etc etc. Its also very un realistic in my opinion. Now granted there are millions of people in this world the same height as me who are within the healthy range of the BMI.

I am 5'6" tall on a good day!

for my Height my "ideal" weight ranges from about 8-11 stone!!!!!!! OMG!!! i was about 10 stone when i was 11 years old so how am i ever gonna get back to that, plus on this chart i've pinched it shows my ok line at 9 stone!!!!! WTF!!!!!!


But what i do know is regardless of whether or no i'll make it into the Yellow i need to get out of this RED ZONE!!!! Very Fat, i know i am but what are you!!! ner!!!!


so although i have my mini goals in place for the moment


2.5% loss
5% loss
7.5% loss and
10% loss


my next goal will be to become FAT!!!! according to this graph that will be just over 17stone

i can do that can't i?

AND when we all thought we had enought to worry about with the BMI we now have to worry about how round our middle is?!!?


is life not hard enough??? i was just gonna post the bits that affected me, but i though that i wouldn't be so selfish and incase anyone who visits me can check there own details. its off a proper website and i've posted a link to it at the bottem its quite handy and has aBMI calc as well as other stuff.

So once again i'm in the RED ZONE!!!!

so for my height my waist should measure a maximum of about 33 inches a minimum of 27 inches Bloodyhell!!!!! ops!!!!

so regards to measurments to get me put of the RED ZONE i need to go down to about 39 inches thats a huge 7 inches.

Not wanting to be a glass half empty but don't think the weightloss and waist measuremnts are gonna match each other when it comes to moving ZONES

BUT

watch this space xxxxx

brown 'Take care' area

This means you will probably have a tall thin 'chilli' type of shape. This isn't desirable for good health so you need to take care. You may need to gain weight.

green 'OK' area

This means you will probably have a healthy 'pear' shape, which is a healthy shape. With this type of body shape, any excess fat is stored under the skin around the bottom, hips and thighs, which is less harmful to health than having an apple shape.

amber 'Take care' area

This means you will probably have a 'pear-apple' shape, which means you should take care. Make sure you don't put on any more weight, especially if your measurements fall towards the upper end of the area.

red 'Action' area

This means you will probably have an 'apple' shape. With this body shape excess fat is stored deep below the skin in the stomach area, which will increase your risk of serious conditions such as heart disease, raised blood pressure, Type II diabetes and some types of cancer. Your health is likely to be at risk so speak to your GP about losing weight.

Taken From http://www.eatwell.gov.uk/healthydiet/healthyweight/yourbodyshape/

To Lucy

hi lucy

thanks for your comment. you really must have been bored to read all my blog!!!!

just wanted to say thanks but i can't access your blog so you get your own post!!!!

hope your boilers fix xxxxx

Krakow Baby

Well you though i was giddy about Sps Hen do in (shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its a secret!!!) me and my mum have booked to go to Krakow for 3 nights in June!!!!

i'm soooooooooooo excited!!!! even dug the guide book out and started to re-read up on it!!!!!


I just hope its as good this time round!!!

ip dip ur not it

no idea about the title i couldn't think of anything else to put!!!!

So with the start of all my diets and belive me there have been measurements taken last month 08/01/2009 i measured:

chest = 43.5, waist 48 and hips 53

This month 03/02/2009:

Chest =43.5, waist 46 and hips 51

In the past i have measured loads of differnt points on my body but this time i'm really not sure i can be bothered!!!!! in my SW book they only as for these 3 so for now thats all i'll measure hopefully on a monthly basis.

Snow Day

we didn't go to work today cos of the snow, but i did have a wander to the co-op to locate some bread and i took my camera with me mainly cos it was only half 10 amd i was already bored outta my brain.

i've loaded a full album on facenbook if anyone is interested not all that thrilling as mainly snow snow and more snow

But i wanted to share a couple of pictures

1stly the one above, talk about Lazy if not down right dangerous!!!! how hard would it have been for this guy to knock a bit more snow off the windscreen. plus i thought it was illeagal to have ur number plate covered up!!!! shame no cops about.

oh actually thinking about that there was a cop car at the end of the road this guy is heading to as i was walking up!!! i bet he didn't get stopped!!!

2ndly

A picture of me!!!!i've tried and tried to turn it round but every time i upload it it reverts back to the original position!!!!! maybe in some strange way it'll turn itself round

wanted to share it cos i can see a small change in my face, it looks less fat!!!!
ok my coat is cunnigly hiding my double chin but to say i took it myself i'm quite impressed with it. am loving my funky hat (not!!!)

Crash Bang Wallop

well it was snowing today incase anyone had missed that, quite hard near home but as we got closer to work it was a light dusting, but to be on the safe side we booked 2.5hours holiday.

On the motor way home the closer we got to home the more blizzard like it became, my street was nightmare fully snow covered looked like the gritter hasn't been passed and as my mum turned to park only going at a couple of miles an hour we hit black ice skidded hit the raised curb bounced a bit and carried on!!! right up to next doors wall and thank god they had a wall or we would have ;anded in the middle of next door but ones sitting room!!!! as we hit the wall it shock a bit but we stopped but for a min i really thought we were going to carry on!!! you can tell we were only going slowly as the airbags didn't deploy but was well scary how we missed next door cars is a miricle as you can see from the pictures there was no way i could have got out of my passenger door so i clambered over.



We missed a lamp post and a telegraph post


look how close we were to Next Doors car!

My mum went to see if the man next door but one was it to try and do something and him and his mate came out he tried to get it back on the road but it couldn't get over the raised curb even with all three of us pushing it!!

Did someone skid????


he mangaged to move it back so people could still use th footpath and my dads put down a load of grit and managed to get it back on the road.

The car will defo need at least 2 new tires and cos its some snazy dazzy car the tires at £200 each and thats the cheapest price like COSTCO price, but at least we are not badly hurt. the car will need to see a car doc to make sure nothing else is wrong with it fingers crossed


not sure why i'm blogging this in my WL blog but need to put it somewhere!!!!!!!